Today, I heard my Pastor's heart. He was crying out about his adopted daughter's situation. She has been battling addiction issues, and came home this past weekend, after having disappeared for months. He was sharing his grief and relief that she was admitted to the hospital for withdrawal reasons. I felt his pain as a father, but also hers as an addict. I realized that this addiction issue must be overcome, or I would only continue hurting my loved ones as well as myself.
Relapse is a part of recovery. I heard that on a Christian talk radio show. They said it was one of Alcoholics Anonymous' main mantras. That statement fulfilled it's purpose, it liberated my thinking. I realized that the negative self-talk was crushing me more than the stumbling. That I could do what I resolved: live despite dying. I believe you didn't consciously try to crush me, but crushed I was. Trying to be un-crushed caused only mutual destruction, and we should no longer allow that.
What we had was and is special, but no longer achievable. We cannot fight any longer, there will be no winner. This pain will continue to fade- as long as I continue to claim the promise of overcoming. I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me.
